Therein lies the rub

"Therein lies the rub (old-fashioned): something that you say when you are explaining what the difficulty is in a particular situation."


In November 2007, I started writing reviews for a well known PR firm.  Well, it's well known now, especially on the Mom-Blog scene, but back then, not so much.  In fact, I was one of their very first bloggers.  And I've been an enthusiastic blogger for them ever since.  Their staff has changed quite a bit since the beginning - employees I became quite close to moved on, as is wont to happen in business (no, I'm not missing an apostrophe, check out the link for the definition of wont) - and I haven't a clue who many of them are any more.  With the exception of their CEO, who I have always (and still do) adore.   One of the highlights of my decade was finally meeting her in person as a recent blogging convention (no, not BlogHer - I refuse to go to that debacle ever again).  This CEO has a warm and gracious personality and a huge heart.  She deserves every success she has earned.

Over the years, I've watched as the clients for this firm got bigger and bigger.  And the PR firm grew and grew.  Unfortunately, my little blog here didn't keep up.  In traffic, in notoriety, in pure numbers, I'm no longer in their league.  In December, I sent a letter to that CEO, asking why, after 114 reviews for them, I had not been selected for a review in 8 months.  And received back a response from her staff that basically, I'm no longer relevant.  While "grateful" for my "hard work" and "support," I'm now really a person non grata.  Don't call us, we'll call you.

It's humiliating, to say the least.  I mean, I didn't start this blog to get famous.  I didn't start this blog to get rich or get noticed or become a "super blogger" (in fact, with a few exceptions, most super bloggers I've met are not nice people at all and I've had a few spirit crushing encounters with some that made me want to push them off the nearest cliff).   I started this to review a few products I found interesting and to hopefully get to keep some of them for my kiddos.  We're not rich - we're at the point of relying on friends and the food pantry this year to make it - so the products I've gotten over the years have been a real perk for us.  This little site has provided for many a birthday and Christmas my kids would have otherwise not had.  So to be told (basically) that my best isn't good enough, stings a bit.

So I took the last month off to reassess.  Do I want to continue this blog?  Certainly, the offers I get to review have gotten fewer.  Certainly losing this big PR firm hurts professionally and personally.  Am I any good at this writing thing anyway?  Does anyone even read my posts anymore?  To add to my anxiety, I paid for a ticket to the Reviewers Retreat 2012 already (many, many months ago) and put down a deposit for the room.  Now, unless we get a good tax return (doubtful), I may have to give up that ticket and give up that room (and give up the only family vacation we have planned due to finances).

Well, self doubt aside, I do know I AM A GOOD REVIEW WRITER.  I have a GREAT format for reviews and I DO have people who believe in me.

So, hopefully with you the reader by my side, I'm ready to start again.  I do have a few books and movies I've been asked to review so I'm working on reading and watching them so I can get their reviews up.  And hopefully, we'll get this blog back up on track again.  

Watch me.

Not to increase my traffic.

Not to be noticed.

But to true to myself.

To be ME.